I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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