She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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