Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
ttyl tear gas
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
