I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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