i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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