i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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