Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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