I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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