i permit you to call me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store