Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.