let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks