i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...