Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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