WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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