I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
