READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
