Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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