I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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