Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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