it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
