the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
