There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
