yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
