My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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