I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
