shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
