I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
