I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
