absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I cannot find my penis.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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