I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
