Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
