I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
