Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
