The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
