Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
