he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
