last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
