hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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