I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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