My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
