are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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