I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
