That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
