I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
