someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
