Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
