i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
