a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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