Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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