The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
