where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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