addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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