the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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