ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
