Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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