Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
