He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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