happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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