remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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