He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
