I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
