So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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