do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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