She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
