its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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